Nothing to Lose

I know I promised a blog about the Biggest Loser RunWalk 10k, but sometimes things happen and posts don’t get published… I do plan on putting it up though, but I figure now I’m just going to wait for the race photos to come in this weekend and then post it all at once. So have no fear, it will be up this weekend! Today I want to talk about something else though…

Do you ever feel like life just smacks you right in the face and then laughs at you? After an awesome start to 2013, I feel like that has been my world for the past week. I’ve felt awful (cedar fever is the worst), hurt my ankle+foot and thus have not been able to really work out, which has led to more stress than normal, been hurt by a friend, and gotten really bad news about a relative (if you are the praying type, please keep my family in your prayers- we lost my grandpa last year, so yesterday’s news has been doubly hard, I feel)… and to top it off, I got on my phone last night to update a couple of notes where I keep track of all my runs and weigh-ins only to discover that somehow in the last day or two, the note with EVERY. SINGLE. weigh-in since I started this journey in 2010 is gone. Deleted. Disappeared. Vanished. Lost into the great unknown of cyber space. Kidnapped forever by Apple.

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Aggghhhh…

I cried. I know it’s dumb, but I did. I guess it was just the proverbial “straw that broke the camel’s back”. I’ve tracked every weigh-in for almost 3 years in that note. I could look back and see exactly where I was at any given time along the way, and now it’s gone. I don’t know why I felt so devastated, but I did.

After a night of almost no sleep (not because of the missing note), I sat in the car this morning thinking about all that’s “gone wrong” in the last several days. Sure, it’s mostly minor stuff in the grand scheme of life, but when it happens all at once, it can be overwhelming… IF I choose to let it be.

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So I’m choosing to let it all go… my foot is already feeling much better than I expected- heck, I ran the 10k 22+ minutes faster than I thought I could!! I upped my allergy meds and feel slightly zombie-ish but not like I’m drowning in my own head. I’m taking the friend thing as yet another learning experience in life. The family thing is still there of course, but I’ll relying on Faith+God to handle that.

And I’m letting go off the lost iPhone note… I could probably go back into old fitness apps and at least recover some of the info, but why bother? I lost the weight and don’t want it back, so do I really need to know my exact weight from October 10, 2011 or March 26, 2012 or any other day along the way? I know how far I’ve come AND I know where I’m headed. It’s time to shake off the funk and keep moving forward!

Hugs and Love,

A

**Have you ever lost something to technology and just been crushed about it, or am I the only one?

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Put down the blanket, Linus!

As many of you have seen, I cut all my hair off yesterday! (Okay, not ALL of it, but you know what I mean…) As silly as it may seem, this was actually a big deal for me. I’ve talked about doing it for quite awhile now, but the follow-through never happened, and I’ll tell you why.

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I felt safe with my hair. I hoped I could keep people from seeing everything I thought was wrong with me and my body by distracting them with my Pantene commercial worthy hair (ok, it wasn’t that great, but I’m trying to make a point here). I could hide my arm fat with it. I thought it made my face look thinner. Honestly, it made me feel pretty… (I can keep going, but I’m trying to keep my blogs from becoming mini-novels every time I get around to posting!)

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But the point is that I was hiding! My hair was my security blanket in many ways. So when the question, “Have I lost enough weight to cut my hair?” actually came out of my mouth earlier this week, I knew it was time to say “buh-bye!” Because what I was really asking was, “Can I finally stop hiding?”

I wasn’t asking about my hair or my weight loss. The real question behind the words I spoke was about me and how I feel about myself. And let me tell you a few things I’ve realized recently- I may not be done losing weight yet. I may not be the size I want to be or as toned as I’d like. I may not be able to run as far or for as long as I think I should be capable of. I may not be a lot of things or have everything I thought I would have by the time I was 29.

But I feel good about myself! For the first time in my entire adult life, I like me. I am happy with who I am becoming. I may not love where I started, but it’s a part of me and I accept it as that. And that is a pretty amazing feeling!

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So yesterday I got rid of my security blanket- I don’t need it anymore 🙂

Hugs and Love,

A

ps- What security blankets are you holding on to? How can I help you put them aside and move forward?

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**Tell me that’s not the funniest thing- the left is my pup, Kenji, and the right is obviously my hair, but boy do they look alike! haha 😀

Aside